It's hard to pin-point exactly when and how I fell in love with 'Goth sub-culture'. I didn't suddenly wake up one morning and think to myself, "Oh I think I'll become a Goth"
I grew up in a small market town in the North East of England. There wasn’t much to do once you became a teenager. There would always be a group of teenagers hanging around the local shops on the estate I lived. I didn’t find that very appealing as it reminded me of a scene from Rita, Sue And Bob Too. It just was not my scene. I ended up just staying in my bedroom after school, crimping and backcombing my hair listening to Bauhaus, Joy Division, The Sisters Of Mercy, The Cure, Siouxsie And The Banshees and The Jesus And Mary Chain. Dreaming of escapism into the world of gigs and night clubs.
It’s hard to pin-point exactly when and how I fell in love with ‘Goth sub-culture’. I didn’t suddenly wake up one morning and think to myself, “Oh I think I’ll become a Goth”. I didn’t know the term ‘Goth’ existed. I saw myself, along with others back then, as ‘Alternatives’. Alternatives to the norm or mainstream culture. I guess my ‘awakening’ happened in early 1985 in my thirteenth year after watching The Damned perform ‘Grimly Fiendish’ and ‘Shadow Of Love’ on BBC2’s ‘Whistle Test’ music programme. I was mesmerised, especially by the vampiric vocalist Dave Vanian with his frilly shirts. I was hooked.
Now, I have always loved music. I grew up with music. Listening to my mum’s records by The Beatles, David Bowie and T-Rex. Top Of The Pops was regularly watched in my house, so I was always listening to music. I recall constantly asking for Blondie’s ‘Eat to The Beat’ album to be played on the cassette player in my father’s car. I was only 7 or 8 years old.
Apart from my love for music, I also had a deep love for horror movies - in particular Hammer Horror movies. I loved the drama, the suspense and of course that tall, dark and handsome Sir Christopher Lee as Count Dracula.
In 1982, along with the rest of the UK, I was introduced to Channel 4’s brand new music programme ‘The Tube’. It fuelled my love for music even more, as it showcased bands from the more alternative scene that wouldn’t necessarily appear on Top Of The Pops. Bands like Southern Death Cult (later became The Cult), Play Dead and early Killing Joke.
Like most teenagers before me and since, you reach that age and have a need to forge an identity for yourself. That strange stage in your life where you are no longer a child - or so you think - but certainly not an adult. So desperate to be grown up.
As long as I can remember I have always dressed unconventionally. I hated wearing girly dresses and had a rebellious, independent streak about me. When I was 4 or 5 years old, my mum was kindly told by a distraught ballet teacher not to bring me back to class as I wouldn’t dance the way she wanted me to dance - I would only dance the way that I wanted to dance. I was probably a bit of a nightmare for my dear mum.
Like most teenagers before me and since, you reach that age and have a need to forge an identity for yourself. That strange stage in your life where you are no longer a child - or so you think - but certainly not an adult. So desperate to be grown up.
At the age of 14, I was old enough to catch the bus on a Saturday to the nearby larger town of Middlesbrough with my school friend Andrea (who was a Mod back then). We used to hang around the the shopping centre, visiting the local record shops and calling into the only alternative clothing shop in town - Phaze Clothing. Great place to meet like-minded people - although most were 3-4 years older than us. It was a luxury back then to be able to afford to buy alternative or Goth clothing. Black canvas jeans were cheaper on the market than in the shop. I had to save up several weeks worth of pocket money to be able to buy a pair of pointy winkle-picker boots or a band t-shirt. I took a more DIY approach to my clothing. Either sourcing black items of clothing from cheap high street shops or charity shops. I use to buy plain black T-shirts for a couple of pounds and slash them up and then sew in a contrasting colour or a material like red velvet. I used to the same with black leggings and wear fishnets tights underneath.
It was around this time when I started to get interested in photography. I acquired a red Konica Pop 35mm compact camera and I started to get into street photography. I drew the inspiration from the Punk postcards I saw during a trip to London the previous year. Besides, for somebody who was rather shy and socially awkward, it was a good way to meet like-minded people.
I spent two years photographing people from the local alternative scene, before going to Art College to study photography. I shot the photos on both Fuji Velvia colour and Ilford Black & White 35mm films. My father had converted the garden shed into a darkroom so that I could process film and print from the negatives. I spent many nights creating photographic alchemy, whilst ‘Bela Lugosi’s Dead’ reverberated around this 6ft x 8ft den.
I couldn’t wait to leave school. I had a tough time from other kids at school because of the way I looked. Individuality was not tolerated or encouraged due to the high risk of being ridiculed and bullied. It was pointless to tactfully confront the verbal abuse about my black crimped hair or pointy boots. I just quickly grew a thick skin, ignored the insults, and the bullies moved onto easier targets. Besides, I had my music to get lost in and escape from the unpleasant cat-calls.
Art School was a completely different environment to what I endured at school. I attended Cleveland College Of Art & Design to study Photography. I found like-minded individuals with similar taste in music, attitude and creativity as myself. I found it quite liberating and for once I started to feel confident and felt a sense of belonging. I started to experience the Goth scene that I had read about in magazines by going out to pubs, clubs and finally getting so see some of the bands I longed to see like The Mission, The Cult, The Fields Of The Nephilim and The Damned with my new found friends. For a small post-industrial urban town, Middlesbrough had a weekly alternative student night at the Polytechnic, a club night at a local nightclub called Blaises and a handful of pubs where you could go without the fear of getting punched. We drank and danced the night away. I loved those two years and will always look back fondly at them. It was all about big crimped hair, a lorry load of black eyeliner and the old faithful biker jacket. Oh, and fun. Lots of fun.
By the time I was 18, it was end of the 1980’s and I finished my course. People started to drop out of the local Goth scene - either moved away or it was just a ‘phase’ for them. But for me, it felt something more than just a phase, more than one of those things teenagers got into.
I had no option but to move - to Leeds, Goth Central Of The North!
Thirty years on, I am still alternative. Still a Goth - although Goth means a lot of different things to different people. It is who I am. I have seen it rise and fall during the 1990s, only to see it rise again in in the early 00’s. Each new generation of alternative Goths have their own interpretation of what Goth means to them. For me, it will always be great music, great friends and just fabulously big hair.
tune in
turn on
